i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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