My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
