maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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