think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
