Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
