I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
