capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
