you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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