Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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