Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
