I accidentally burped into my bong.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
