Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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