One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This beer is not sobering me up at all
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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