1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
