I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
