Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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