Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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