I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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