She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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