i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize