DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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