New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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