Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
