It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
