sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
