you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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