Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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