I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
