If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
