It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
