stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
