8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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