Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
