Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
