i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
