If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
