I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's official drugs can't kill me
being pregnant is like rehab
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
