i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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