All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
