last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
