when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
