just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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