Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
