farters have to be the big spoon...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
