Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think a kid would responsible me up
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
