So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.