an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.