he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
