Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.