Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....