No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Couch. On fire.
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