HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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