too bad you live with your parents still
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
