You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The air was thick with penises
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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