i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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