Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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