guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
