Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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