What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
