If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
