If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
