the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
did i just pee glitter
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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