We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
