I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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