we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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