Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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